Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Oppositional Defiant Disorder: A Primer on the Boy
Friday, January 25, 2013
Bitch in a Lexus SUV
I drive a Lexus SUV. Fancy, right? Not really. My husband is in the car business, it came in to his dealership as a trade, and we were able to buy it for a good price. It’s a great sturdy dependable vehicle, and it’s comfortable on the inside. It has nav, leather, a backup camera, and a rear DVD player. HOWEVER… It’s nine years old. The windshield is cracked, the dash is cracking, and there’s a slightly crumpled bumper where I might’ve backed into a Jeep. Or a concrete pole. Okay, both. The rear DVD player won’t eject the Leave it to Beaver disc that’s been in there for several years now, so the Beav is the only thing the kids can watch.
The inside is messy (and a little crusty, because kids are gross). We’ve taken it all over on trips – camping, mountain biking, off-roading – and we’ve had it through baseball, martial arts, and football practices (and the stink and dirt those activities bring into the car after).
Some people buy a Lexus because it’s a dressed up Toyota, and Toyotas are awesome. Then some people buy a Lexus because that fancy ‘L’ on the front and back is some kind of status symbol for them.
I’m not one of those people. This car has always caused me a bit of anxiety, truth be told. Driving up in a Lexus tends to change peoples’ perspective of you. Sometimes it’s subtle (Nice car) and other times not so much (What are you doing living in our neighborhood with a fancy car like this?? asked one neighbor. And we don’t live in the hood, y’all).
I am not my car. I’m not fancy and pretentious and worried about status. I’m down to earth and approachable and easy to get to know. So, I’ve always had reservations about people seeing my car before they know me. I don’t like people to assume things about me because I drive a Lexus.
I’ve found myself, more than once, apologizing for my car: Oh, it’s old, we got it on trade, we’re not fancy, blah, blah…
Am I trying to put myself at ease or them? I’m not sure.
While browsing through my News Feed, I saw a post by one of my favorite bloggers. She wrote:
This morning's commute has strengthened my growing suspicion that "bitch in a Lexus SUV" is redundant.
I don't mean to call her out, because I think she's super fantastic. She makes me smile all the time. But...
Ouch. See, this is what I always worry about. It seems I was right all along; I’m being silently judged every time I leave my driveway. Great.
Of course, the author of said post quickly issued a disclaimer that she was excluding her loyal following from said label. But the subsequent comments made me cringe even more. Comments included:
yes it iswholeheartedly agree
that's because she's trying to be like the woman in the BMW SUV, but she doesn't have the money to do it, so she just has to act bitchy-er
I used to live down the street from a bitch in a lexus suv and a bitch in a mercedes suv.. fuck em all.. lol
Also, idiot in a Lexus, idiot in an Audi, and idiot in an Acura should be part of your vernacular…
Is it possible to own a Lexus and NOT be a douchenozzle?
Don't you know, rules don't apply to BMW, Lexus, and Audi owners. It's in the fine print when they sign the lease.
Douchnozzle? Really? Sigh. So, now I feel like I need to put more bumper stickers on my already stickered up Lexus so that she’ll be all incognito.
Folks, I can assure you that the same things are going on in this Lexus as in your car, whatever you’re driving. If you’re out and about and you see my Lexus SUV, remember:
The bitch driving may or may not have had time to shower yet today. Odds are, she’s probably running late for something. Behind those big trendy sunglasses, she might be hiding tired swollen eyes that could use a little make up she didn’t have time to apply.
If she’s on her phone, she might be trying to arrange carpool or make a doctor’s appointment. If she cuts you off, it might be because her spawn are fighting in the back seat and distracting the hell out of her.
If she almost turns out in front of you or doesn’t go when the light turns red, it might be because one of her kids said Look, Mom and her instinct to respond to her child takes her eyes off the road even though she’s told them time and again not to blurt, Look, Mom when she’s driving.
Rest assured she’s not worried about appearances or status; she’s just thankful that she was able to buy such a comfortable and dependable car 6 years ago, because when the economy went to shit 2 years later she at least didn’t have to worry about needing a new car any time soon.
She’s probably only worried about getting where she’s going without running out of gas, because she forgot her tank was almost empty, and she’s stressing how much said tank costs to fill up.
She’s just like you in all the ways that count, so cut her some slack; she doesn’t pay any attention to the fancy ‘L’s on her car, and neither should you.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Not the only reason for the Season
[Author's note: This is an updated and edited version of an old post, for those of you that like your spiritual talk to not be mingled with profane(?) references to anatomy and whatnot. If you're one of those folks, read on... and by all means, don't go looking for the old version.]
I happen to have a certain fondness for religion. All of them. Spirituality in general fascinates me. I know God, and I even think Jesus was a pretty cool guy. But...
I am not a Christian.
Nope. I was baptized and confirmed as a Catholic, but I've never held much interest in the teachings of that particular Church. It is my belief that more truth about God can be found in the movie Avatar than in any given modern Christian church service. I would bet, though, that if I started preaching the gospel according to Avatar, some people would get offended.
What if I said that I think that every one of you who thinks hell exists with a capital H and is a place that God will send you if you displease Her are totally mistaken in your understanding of the divine? Would that offend you?
You see, I have some less-than-mainstream views about God and religion, and I am part of the minority.
I might "preach" freedom of religion, but I have no interest in making you think like me. I also have no interest in making you feel bad for NOT thinking like me.
My favorite color is purple. I adore purple. I can't imagine anyone liking any other color more than purple. It's truly the most spectacular color in the spectrum. It just makes me feel good. If you like blue, though... well, that's okay. If blue makes you feel good, then that makes me happy, too. I can celebrate blue with you without feeling like I made the wrong choice when I chose purple as my favorite color. I can have a blue themed celebration and then return to my purple passion. Both of the colors exist on the spectrum, and both are relevant and necessary. I just gravitate to one while you gravitate to another.
So... What if I want to celebrate the Season just as a special time that has been celebrated by many different religions across time? What if it's not about the birth of your Christ for me? People have been celebrating this holiday for as far back as anyone can remember. The Christians call it Christmas now, but that's just another name for a much older celebration.
Pagans cut down trees to symbolize the death and rebirth as a tree of one of their gods. They were doing it long before Jesus entered the picture. So, you go right ahead and call it a Christmas tree if you want. If you're Christian and you have a tree up in your house, then it is a Christmas tree. But don't get offended because everyone else doesn't want it to be a Christmas tree. Don't preach on your facebook wall about all the evil people that are trying to kill Christmas and replace it with the word holiday.
I love words. As a word lover, I know that holiday is a word that means holy day. And how can that offend you?
Using the word holiday is meant to be inclusive of everyone's beliefs. The term is not meant to be exclusive, to take Jesus out of Christmas; it's used as a gentle remind that Jesus isn't the only reason for the Season. Lets celebrate all the reasons that this time of year is held dear, all the reasons to find joy and magic in this winter celebration.
There's nothing wrong with religion, but it can be turned into a weapon of hate and exclusion when religion, and religious intolerance, is forced on others.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Thursday, September 27, 2012
A "What would you do?" parenting moment
He set a fresh, hot cup of coffee on the nightstand next to my head and said, "It's 7:06, sleepyhead."
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Dearest Children: Seriously, shut the hell up! Love, Mom