Maybe you'll be more prepared than I was.
I don't really let my kids touch my stuff. They're not allowed on my computers. Not because I don't think they're ready or because I don't think computers are good for kids; just because, well, I don't like it when they touch my stuff. It's my stuff, dammit. We have to have boundaries, people!
Not my mom, though; she let's them play. It's cool, they're monitored and all that. So, the Boy learned around age 8 how to search the internet and that the internet was a cool place to shop for toys and play games.
Anyway, so one day, I'm in my bedroom on my laptop, and the Girl, then 5, comes in.
Girl: Mama, Cole is shopping for birthday and Christmas presents for me, isn't that so nice??
Me: Hmmm?
Girl: Cole is on your computer in the office, [Wait, what? Now I'm listening.] and he asked me to go out because he was looking at birthday and Christmas gifts for me. Isn't that so nice?
Me: Um, since it's June, and your birthday is in October and Christmas is in December... Yes, that sounds very... nice.
And not at all true. He's not supposed to be in my office, much less on my computer. Alone.
Rather than storm in there, I opt for stealth mode. I use remote access to log in to my desktop.
I see a Google screen. He begins typing in a search box.
Holy. Shitballs.
I quickly backspace the words out of the search box. He starts to type again, and again I backspace.
I move the mouse around in circles to let him know he's not controlling things anymore.
Then, I type in the search box:
Nothing else happens. The mouse is still, and the words don't get erased.
Well fuck. Now what?? I don't want to have this conversation with him. I really don't want to.
As I sit there trying to figure out my next move, he comes into the bedroom, a stunned look on his face. I'm thinking he knows he's caught red-handed, and he's come to confess.
Boy: Mom?
Me: Yeah...?
Boy: There's a ghost in the office.
Me: What?
Boy: I was in there, I just wanted to look something up on your computer real quick, and I started to type and the words just disappeared! And then I tried to type again and they disappeared again! And then the mouse arrow started going around in circles, and then someone typed that they were watching me...
Me: Really. Hmm. Well, that's scary. Better not go in there anymore. Wow.
As it turns out, he has no idea it was me. He doesn't know about things like remote access. He's totally spooked now.
Mom's geek skills, for the win, man...
Okay, that's where the funny ends, really. The rest of the story sucks, especially if you have or have had an 8 year old and you know how sweet and innocent and naive they're supposed to be.
I searched the history later. I was up until after 3 am, looking at everything he had been looking at. The history started out looking for games to play, and he visited some games sites. Then, I guess he was being brotherly, because he entered the search term "girl games." He was trying to find something for his sister to play. You can imagine what he found instead. Then, he got to clicking through other links, and things went from bad to worse fast. I was sick to my stomach. We had to have the sex talk waaaaaaay too soon, and you can't unring that bell.
The moral of the story: Install parental controls before you think you need them! And then snoop on your kids unashamedly. They'll thank you later.
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